i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize