Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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