dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
