i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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