Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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