yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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