you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
