he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
