i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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