Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
