I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize