I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
