so explain again why im purple
no
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
