You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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