Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
