I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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