Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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