between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And then the night went full on bisexual.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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