apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize