I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
