i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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