Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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