it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize