im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
