well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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