shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
