it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
