Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
