I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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