yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
