got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
