ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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