Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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