I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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