Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
