everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
