The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
