You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I want to be your penis for a week.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
