Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
