At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize