Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
