I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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