maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
