she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
