we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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