I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
