I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize