Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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