Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
