I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
