Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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