Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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