Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
