right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
