So drunk, too bad you don't want this
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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