i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
