I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
