its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
