She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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