One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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