can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
