I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Lo siento on account of my penis...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
