Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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