you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
two words...techno handjob
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
