Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
