do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
