Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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