dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
