The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
