why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
