I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
