dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
