his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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