trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
