So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
