just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
