"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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