Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
