singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
