Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
