this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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