i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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