Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
