we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
