Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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