Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
