please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
