the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
