I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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