Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You're completely useless in the revolution.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
we're so committed to being not committed
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
