see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
